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Ask Cindy & Friends

Question: My fiancée is not as spiritually mature as I, what advice can you give?

Cindy:  Because you pose this question, it’s apparent that your fiancés lack of spiritual leadership is already a concern for you.  Unfortunately, promises to the contrary, marriage, and even additional years may not change that.  No one can be nagged, manipulated or pushed into a deeper relationship with Christ.  It only comes from their personal awareness of sin and the longing to grow spiritually.  For me, this would be a deal breaker.  The things that bother you about your fiancée now will be magnified after marriage.  So, my advice would be to break the engagement.  I believe Tommy Nelson said something like, “If you want to find a good man (or woman) to marry, run as hard and as fast as you can towards Christ.  And if you should happen to catch someone out of the corner of your eye who is running as hard as you are, then perhaps they are someone you should look at.”  Don’t settle.  Pursue Christ passionately and see who else is running with you. 

Penny:  A spiritually maturing person is in a growing relationship with God and seeking to be in the center of His sovereign plan and not his/her own agenda.   Does the fiancée have a passion to know and love God and live in His plan?   If that is the case, a new and immature believer can be on a fast track to maturity.   Or, is the fiancée ‘saved’ but more interested in chasing after ‘the world, the flesh, and the devil’?  The answer to this question is very important because you may find yourself yoked to someone who has a totally different set of priorities–not a good place to start a marriage. Ask yourself: Is my highest priority to find that sweet place of fellowship with our Lord and Savior and live in the delight of His Word? Or, am I all about satisfying a loneliness in my heart with another person? Another person can never fill the ‘loneliness’ hole in life; only God can. Entering into marriage expecting your spouse to provide that fulfillment will set you up for extreme disappointment and failure. Seek to know the Great I Am and find your fulfillment in Him. He will, in His love and faithfulness, provide His foreordained soul mate for your life in His perfect time and also provide the confirmation of who that soul mate is. 

Terri:  I think you have to be careful not to judge his spiritual maturity and to compare it to yours or even other men that you know.   You should certainly be praying for God to grow and lead your fiancée, to make him stronger in his faith and more passionate about the Lord.  You should support and respect him as he grows.   Remind yourself of his good qualities and not focus on the negative.  Allow God to make the changes.

Do you have a question about biblical submission in the real world?   Ask Cindy and other women who have  “Been there. Done that.”

If you have any personal questions that you would like to be answered privately and anonymously, contact Cindy at

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  1. Chanda permalink

    Marriage is certainly a life of its own. Nothing can compare to it. It is a process that takes someone who is willing to stretch when pulled and stand when you back is against the wall. Engagement is just that, you are engaging yourself into someone you are quite interested in. Sometimes when we meet that special someone, our hearts are over taken with emotions that can take over the real facts about that person we are so interested in. We want so much for something to work, because of emotions instead of love. Love is explained in depth in 1 Corinthians 13. We have to be able to take the bitter with the sweet, but it is much easier to handle the bitter and sweet when two are connected to God and have a intimate relationship with him. By no means can we control others relationship with God, but we can control the decisions we make in who God has for us. when questioning the relationship that our mate has with God, we have remember that our timing is not God’s timing. We may think our mate should pray an hour when he could be touching heaven in 2 minutes or that he may not study the bible for 1 hour, yet he studies more than he used too. We have to make sure we dont miss the growth of others even though they may not be where we are in the relationship with God, their calling may be different, and their walk may move in a different direction. If they just are living a life of sin and dont realize or think they are wrong, then it is time to exit and wait on God to move on your behalf before getting married and more problems surface. It is important to have pre marital counseling with your church before marriage, so both of you can see what is required of you in the eyes of God, not man.

  2. Katherine Reig permalink

    Biblical submission best represented by: I selected none of the above, because, Abigail was not listed. I do believe Abigail is a better representation than Sarah. Sarah allowed sin to enter into her marriage more than one time.
    1-There was the time that Abraham introduced her as his sister instead of his wife for fear.
    2- With her maid and not fully trusting in the Lord.

    These are not your run of the mill, small stuff, both of these actions had grave reactions that we are still dealing with now.

    I believe the writer of Proverbs had Abigail in mind.

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